The Dune Buggies

A Neil Young cover band, The Dune Buggies explore the exact point at which good intentions and minimal talent meet.

Comprised of four music geeks, TDB, as they are affectionately known by their legion of approximately twelve fans, often play college towns in Ohio somewhere in the neighborhood of around eight in the evening. Despite the fact that the only people in a smoky-dive bar at eight o'clock are either a) hard-core alcoholics or b) the girlfriends of group members, this matters little to them.

As an aside, they are routinely beaten at local Battle of the Bands competitions by a woman named Carla who plays the spoons.

Everybody Loves Wang

Family-friendly and folksy, Wang plays guitar, harmonica, and kazoo, and shares the stage with children's choirs and soft-rock combos. Peter, Paul, and Mary meet Raffi, if Raffi were Chinese.

The Bee's Knees

This Twenties revival band is one part Dixieland Jazz, and two parts vintage clothing. Members play period instruments: a decrepit banjo, a dusty trombone, a decaying piano long out of tune, and a scuffed up trumpet. They have to be extremely careful not to overdo it, else the nearly eighty-five year old museum pieces fall apart in front of the audience. Priding themselves on a combination of purity and minimalism, they simply can't dance the Charleston in clothing that old, else their broad-brimmed cloches or ties that resemble an egg in the stages of scrambling crumble into dust or bust seams.

Women wear floor length raccoon coats that shed like crazy and scatter the front rows with fluff. Men slick their hair back and stride with faux confidence back and forth across the length of the stage, projecting an air of ridiculous optimism common only to the period.

Malicious Poetry

One of those haunting punk acts whose angry, percussive rage punctures your senses, leaving behind the empty holes of ghostly recognition that allow their subtle lyrics to blow through your spirit as if it were a pan pipe.

GlauPunk

At first glance GlauPunk is a disturbing mix of french bar music and german hard core punk. At second glance they are just as disturbing. Fortunatly for listeners, that garbled mish mash of syllables and sounds is not actually any specific language, therefore they are unlikely to actually offend anyone. Well, not lyrically, anyway.

Short White People

Looks like emo, sounds like ska, this is a band of contradictions. Although the drummer is only 5'4", she is a woman of color, and the rest of the band are of average or above-average height. Short white people produces great dance music with funny lyrics about topics such as road trips where nobody has a map or gas money or taking small children apple-picking.

Satan Cookies

Sweet, sour, hot and tasty. This band is evil in the most chocolaty kind of way. Songs include "Dip you in Chocolate" "Oatmeal heart" and "Snickerdoodle this, B@#%$"

Tamponstry

Tamponstry is angry, angsty and passionate, a quarter of the time. The rest of the time, expect artsy tunes that resemble folk music. The lead singer once locked herself in a dressing room for a week. Those in the audience that were patient were treated to what they called " the best show on estrogen"

Disappointsville

Sarcastic songs, mostly about breaking up. The band's first effort, Welcome to Disappoinstsville, was a concept album that chronicled every aching step in the drummer's long, drawn-out break up with his high school girlfriend while the fourth album Population: Four Pissed-Off Guys covered more diverse territory, including separation, divorce, restricted visitation rights, and unemployment.

Crack Sloth

This one was a real band--for about fifteen minutes. My friends formed it in a high school, back in the stone age. I don't think they had any musical talent, though, so the band didn't exactly go anywhere. This name was the best thing about the band, and they wanted it to live on in electronic form, so here it is. If you want to revive Crack Sloth, just let me know! They'll be thrilled.

Tepid Chukky

What can you say about a band named after a bottle of hard cider that's been left open on the windowsill for two days? They're not as flat as their namesake, and less fattening. The cymbals hit you harder, though.

The Pejoratives

There are plenty of words one might use to describe The Pejoratives, and all of them are rude, inconsiderate, and politically incorrect. The sax player can make his instrument wail all seven of Carlin's words you can't say on TV, and the lead singer has Tourette's. This is a band favored by middle age men who haven't quite forgotten their punk roots even though they're married with children.

Tweeker Muffins

Speed metal meets Martha Stewart in this group. Songs include "Sift then Measure" and Grease my Pan".

Clogmoor(e)

A recent import from Scotland, Clogmoor(e) is reminiscent of the good ol' days of punk rock. Authentic in sound and emotion. They deftly avoid any odvious musical puns and metaphors and delve into a real sound that leaves you feeling alone in the highlands.